Moderation Attempt Failed...again

Well, that's misleading - I knew it would never succeed.  Because I had 25 years of trying to moderate before I got sober the first time in early 2011.  So when I 'slipped' in late 2013, the wine (and Mr. SR) told me I could try to moderate -- after all, I had been 100% sober for 2.5 years, surely the willpower would work, right?  Well if you are reading this, chances are you know that willpower goes down the drain with the first sip of wine.  At least it does for me - the old saw about one is too many, and there is simply not enough to be enough is absolutely true. 

So I'm trying again.  Starting today.  Well-equipped:  

• solid hangover   - check, even have the shaky sweaty thing along with tom-tom club in head and unstable gut 
• lots of leftover yummy holiday food and sweets - check
• plenty of AF treaty drinks (flavored pellegrino; sodas; fresh fruit to put in seltzer) - check
• THE DESIRE TO STOP THIS INSANITY NOW - CHECK.

Some of the reasons why I want to do this and need to do it now:

• My kids - they need a reliable sober mom, not an unpredictable lurching drunk
• My health - my liver hurts; I feel like crap all the time and have budding gastro issues
• My looks (yes, hello vanity, you are a friend) - my eyes look slightly poached and have red roadmaps tracing wine bottle labels, skin blotchy, bloated all over.  Not a good look for me 
• My marriage - even though Mr. SR is okay with me drinking (and even kind of likes it), I am not the wife and partner I want to be
• My work - productivity and quality suffer with hangover and related issues; I am a vastly better ______ when I am sober, and I do it well and thoughtfully.  Not so much when I am hungover, drunk, getting ready to be that way
• Just my overall self - I LIKE ME BETTER SOBER.

So there you (I) have it.  I want to do this, I have done it before and I can do it again.  I WILL do it again.  Starting today.  I have a plan for this 24 hours and I will stick to it.Mr. SR is taking me for dim sum this morning and then I will buckle down for the afternoon (never was a day drinker, it's wine o'clock that really moves in on me); gonna order Jason Vale's book on my kindle and start that.  I may be back on the blogs (with a vengeance) as the day goes on but whatever it takes.  I may call my first AA sponsor.  I may eat a lot and drink gallons of fizzy water and watch stupid TV.  But I won't drink today.   

And...to all the sober bloggers who put up inspirational posts this morning and who stayed sober last night, last week, last year, last decade - THANK YOU :) and Happy New Year.  I wish all of us the best for 2015.

Hugs, 

SR