The last day....

Of 2014?  Of drinking?  Of this too-long relapse?  Of too many hangovers?  Of being a disappointment to my children and to myself?

Or is tomorrow the first day?  Of sobriety?  Of being lighter and clearer?  Of being free of guilt and shame and not being sick and tired?

I am hoping to put down the drink for good starting tomorrow, or at least over the weekend.  I know that sounds lame since if I was really ready, so what that it's New Years Eve?  When better to quit than right now?  I guess I'm just making excuses to put it off - Mr. SR has a whole big plan for the two of us to stay in tonight, drink a bottle of bubbles with neighbors, eat lobster, etc.  And I just don't have the guts to do the 'quick break.'

But I am hopeful and inspired.  I am hopeful because Mr. SR indicated some willingness to go along with an AF house for the first few weeks of 2015, and that would make things so much easier for me.  

I am inspired by so many sober blogs - especially those published by women like me who are struggling with getting off/on/off/on the 'sober car': No More Sally and Annie at a Dappled Path are in the same boat as I am, and it's so nice to know I am not alone.  From my prior tenure in AA, I remember one of the concepts was that people with a few days sober (or no days sober) really drew the most inspiration from those who were only a few days or weeks (as opposed to months or years) ahead of them.  I think that's true, for me at least.  Of course, the long-timers have plenty of experience and wisdom to share and it's wonderful, but there's something to be said for knowing that you are not alone.  That someone else is going through the same thing at the same time, in same or similar circumstances.  I am going to hold onto that for inspiration and hope.

So I've dipped my toe in a couple of other blogs, and I feel hopelessly incompetent.  I am a great lurker and a good one on one emailer but this blogging is like trying to swim in a fur coat!  I've been trying for half an hour to get the links right for Sally and Dappled - no luck :(.  I guess it's a skill that develops with time and practice.  A lot like getting sober and staying that way.  

I hope 2015 is the year I perfect that skill.  I hope to see the other sober bloggers having it stick for them in 2015 too.

I'll check in later or in the next few days.  Until then, ciao and Happy New Year.