What a difference a day makes...

When I posted Thursday evening after successfully navigating the cocktail party and all that, I was all bunnies and rainbows.  Then Friday happened and by the end of THAT day, it took every ounce of resolve I had to not throw in the towel.  Mr. SR came home half in the bag (luckily, he was all done with the guzzling when he got home so he didn't keep drinking once he got here), I was completely worn out, and everything was just on edge.  Less about really wanting to *drink* and more about just wanting to escape/numb out/smooth the rough edges.  I kept telling myself alcohol would do nothing to solve any of the immediate problems or make anything better, but I could definitely hear Wolfie.  It took a liter of tonic water, 4 reeses peanut butter cups and a king size bag of peanut m&ms to shut him up and maintain my, er, focus, but I didn't drink.  

Saturday was predictably a much better day, all the more so for not being hungover and all that.  It's good to realize the 'sober reinforcements,' especially when they come on the heels of a white knuckle night.  I had a great day with family, spent most of it at kid sporting event which was lots of fun, and just had an overall pleasant Saturday, hanging with my kids and doing mundane stuff.  If I had given in to Wolfie on Friday night, it would have been way different - as in unpleasant, exhausted, irritated, guilty, nothing good and just have to trudge through.  I'm happy I didn't have that experience.

This afternoon will be perhaps a bit of a nerve challenge - Mr. SR is having some folks over to 'watch the game' -- the TV will be on, and I get to prepare food for 10 people and clean up after them, but the 'gamewatching' is mostly an excuse to guzzle beer and yell a lot.  I really don't enjoy football very much (truthfully I despise it and it takes FOREVER) and the yelling gets on my nerves, nevermind the guzzlefest in my house.  But...it will only last a few hours and then it will be over.  I can do anything for 6 hours or less.  I won't let that irritation ruin the rest of my weekend. I just won't.  Keep telling myself that, anyway.  I don't need another 6 lbs of chocolate today....   

So much of this is keeping perspective and maintaining positive thoughts, not giving in to the negative.  Perspective = I have so much to be grateful for that enduring a bit of aggravation is really not a big thing.  Positive = remembering that I haven't lost anything and won't lose anything by not drinking to 'get through' a bit of aggravation - I am free of the beast, and happy to be that way, and I can stay that way just by not pouring booze down my throat.  It is an exercise in self-defeat to view at negatively, as in 'oh, I can't drink like everyone else, I'm missing out/it would make things so much easier.'  I'm NOT missing out and it WON'T make anything easier - to the contrary, I will miss out and it will make things harder if I drink.  I know that today, and sometimes I just have to remember what comes first - perspective and the positive, the negative is just Wolfie bs and seeing it from the wrong side of the coin.  

There, I feel better already.  Off to make the chili.  Happy sober Sunday everyone!!  

Oh, did I mention that it's day 16 already?  I haven't been diligently counting, but I am aware that the last drink was two Fridays ago, so that makes today Day 16.  Yay me, and yay all of us that jumped in our sober cars right around New Years (or even before!).  

Hugs,

SR