About Me

I'm a 50+ married woman raising three teenagers and working full time in a demanding profession. I've been sober for a bit more than half of the last five years and want to stay that way for life. I'm here for accountability, inspiration and a few laughs along the way. Come on in, let's talk!

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

One month

30 days. Yup, that's all.  Nothing terribly earthshattering to report; just not drinking and enjoying most of the sober time, no hangovers, sleep, presence of mind, productivity, better interactions with kids, all that good stuff.  Only a couple of meaningful crave-y moments, but they were moments, not multiple hours or days, and so far it's been easy enough to just say 'nope, not today.'

It is vastly easier when Mr. SR doesn't drink in the house (he usually drinks in the house, he usually drinks almost every day, albeit not to wretched excess most of the time). He started out as dry Jan, which DID make Day 1 and the first couple of days easier, and it's just nicer overall not to live with a daily drinker (god, my poor kids...).  Within a week or so he bobbed/weaved into 'only drinking when not in house' and by last week, he'd hit the standard 'it's just a couple of beers/glasses of wine.'  I know it's my issue, not his, but urgh.  That's the thing about sobriety - you know when everyone/anyone else is drunk, even when they don't.  And they are NOT as funny as they think they are, plus they repeat themselves and forget the conversations they've had.  Not to mention potentially irrational, irascible, stuff like that.  I guess I should be working on conjuring up some empathy - I've been drunk just a few times (yeah, more than that) and sometimes even when Mr. SR wasn't, and I have been the beneficiary of other people's generosity of spirit (including Mr. SR's, and let's not even think too much right now about all the years my kids had tipsy (or just plain drunk) mommy around and they definitely weren't able to join me to make it easier to ignore me).

So, I dunno.  It's okay for today (in part because I am on a biz trip; dinner was a client guzzlefest but I could leave that after 2 hours, knowing I was coming back to my nice quiet hotel room and my very own special dessert just for me, not shared with the dinner companions).  And I did 2.5 years sober with him drinking so I think (hope) I can keep it up.  But if I am honest with myself, a lot of how I just gave up the last two times is I just got tired of NOT drinking while he IS drinking.  What do we numb/anesthetize with booze - in my case, that's one of the things...if I am drinking too, it's not nearly as irritating that he is (it's not irritating at all, obviously).  But I don't want to drink as a means of avoiding his boozing.  And of course, he is not ONLY a drinker.  He's basically a really good guy with a big heart, a generous spirit, and lots of other great things, and I love him.  But he's a boozer, he's been one for several decades, and he has little interest (none) in eliminating alcohol from our house or from most of his days.    

Any words of wisdom? I'd love to hear them...





         

11 comments:

  1. Oh how I wish I had some words of wisdom for you re living with a drinker, albeit not a problem drinker. As I live only with my teenage daughter it would be naive of me to think he should not drink around you but part of me thinks that for your sake I wish he could just not do it in the house. Are you able to look at it like someone who is allergic to eggs but lives with an omelette eater? Silly analogy I know but in the sense that he can drink alcohol and you can't or at least all of us reading can't. You have done it before like you said and well practice makes perfect. Well done on day 30, one big hurdle overcome. Keep going strong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks GG :). That's pretty much the angle - I'm allergic to eggs and he eats omelets. Past experience is that his omelet consumption tends to taper/decrease when I am not eating eggs so there's some hope there!

      Delete
  2. Hi SR. I don't have any words of wisdom either. My hubby drinks and will often have a couple of beers of an evening. It doesn't bother me. Maybe because I'm not a beer drinker? It might be a different story if he was drinking wine and leaving opened bottles in the fridge! Congrats on 30 days, that's awesome! A x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Angie, yes, it does make a difference for him NOT to consume my drink of choice - wine. I asked him last night if he might consider drinking only beer for a while, and he was receptive. That does make it easier :).

      Delete
  3. Hi SR,
    That is a hard one. My hubs stopped drinking when I did, not because he wanted to support me. He only drank on weekends. And then, only a little bit.
    So I don't have any advice.
    I do know it would be very hard for me to stay sober if someone in the house drank wine.
    I don't care about beer either.
    But in any case, you are so worth being sober for!
    Your life is better for you and your children!
    Just as you said.
    xo
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  4. i tried for a long time to cut back on my drinking while my husband still drank. I couldn't do it. I honestly was too weak, and he was suck a loud, aggressive and not funny drunk, I just drank along. And I was so unhappy.

    My sobriety started with someone intervening with my hspusband and him accepting that he was out of control. It's funny, I was suffering so quietly no one noticed. He was a loud ass. People saw that.

    Anyway, we both quit in 2013. And 2 years later our relationship has evolved into a deep friendship, real like and actual love. I respect craig deeply. And I know he respects me too.

    But, if he was to drink again I could not follow. My mental health, happiness and inner peace are all dependant on my sobriety. And as much as I love craig, I love myself more.

    Keep doing what feels rot for you. Don't be afraid to voice your needs, but r cognizant others can't always change for us.

    Anne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Anne ☺️. So far so good. Trying to stay in the moment & maintain perspective not focus on negative.

      Delete
  5. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today and hope you are still ok and going strong. Big hugs, GG

    ReplyDelete
  6. I saw on Belle's website that today I'd day 50 (actually I think it was yesterday). Just wanted to say well done. Hope you had a good day. GG

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you GG! Yup 50 (now 55, almost 56) days ☺️. Life is good! Keeping it as simple as I can & it's working.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wandering the sobersphere and just found this blog....i did Dry January 2016 too...and then, quite to my surprise, I stuck with it. I'm hoping you have been able to as well!

    ReplyDelete